Port Toilet... I mean, I mean Port Talbot

A quick shout out to a new reader: Hello to you Becky Mahoney - Biker Chick, Take's No Shit and is as hardcore as a core... that is hard.. or something?!

I hope you like my shower of shit that is a tour blog in disguise!

Ah, again after a break I find myself back on the tour. This one being almost local to me as Port Talbot is merely 10 miles from Swansea. I did the normal thing of inviting as many friends as I could think of that would be able to come. Typically none of them even replied. Now, I am not bothered really, I mean, each to their own. But it's the same lot that give me hassle for not playing locally as they'd love to come as see me. This show in question would be the third time I have put a shout out that I am playing locally and yet.......(silence)

I got to the gig around 3 ish. Said hello to all the cast that were there. I decided to have a walk into the precinct with Phil and Ian. We grabbed a coffee and chatted about life and shit (the shit was to come later) Phil explained that he needed to take control of his work/life affairs and in doing so has quit smoking. Good for him!

Got back to the gig and started setting up the drums. While there I was discussing my last blog with Dan; he finds my accounting of Gay Pride 2009 very funny. I guess from a straight point of view referring to the folk that frequent such an event as "freaks" "attention seeking cunts" in acts of "look at me, I am GAAAY!" can be humorous. But from a Gay point of view, it's down right offensive and arguably complete untruth. It then occurred to me that Nathan reads this blog and I am in fact in danger of seriously offending him. Fuck now I have done it. I ramble on sometimes and my brain spouts out this shit. It's only then when someone takes offence does it mortify me, I never want to offend anyone ever. Especially people that I consider friends that I care about.

So what do I do? Do I delete it hoping that he's not read it yet? Do I explain to him that it's not really what I think even though he'd probably made his mind up or do I carry on and think "fuck it, it's what I think like it or leave it!" Honestly is the best course I find, so here goes.

It's not what I think. A have lots of gay friends of both gender. I think of them no different than anyone else, they are my friends, I love them and some of them I would die for if it would save their lives (Hi Mandie) Some of them I personally think play too much on the gay thing needlessly. That what I think; I don't go on about being straight so why go on about being Gay? But that said, I am not in an informed position to be absolute on this because I am not gay and have not gone through the life they have lead being gay. So free as I am to think this, it's an opinion best kept unless asked for.

My comments on Gay Pride was merely and instinctive rant based on my experience at the time: being late as fuck and in a major hurry and finding myself surrounded by such colourful characters. One of which nearly pierced my eardrums with his whistle. So upon reflection and finding it funny, I thought I'd mention it in the blog for merely the humour of it, not because it's exactly what I think, just my reaction at the time.

I am sorry if I offended you Nath, honestly! On to the gig.

After a long soundcheck rehearsing songs (Katie was being covered by Leona) it was off to the Pub with Clive, Aussie (Clive's son - no he's not from Australia) Clive's mate who's name escapes me, Ian, Phil, Andrew, Jarvis and Dan. It was Clive's birthday and I felt a shit for not getting him anything. I was planning to, it's the thought that counts anyway. I will get him something before we get to Jersey!

We got back to the gig and waited for the show. Backstage it was revealed one of us did a dirty big shit and it wouldn't flush. This is referred to in the Viz Prophanasaurus as several things: a Dreadnaught, Dead Otter, Fallen Log, A Waiting Croc, A Floater, Ali At Sea etc. Clive was the one to point it out so I was intent to get a photo of it.

You can see that it's got a GREEN tint to it. I did some checking up online about why a piece of botty chocolate could be green in colour, and this is what I found. If you're not interested, just skip past.

There can be many reasons why stool appears to be green. The first and most obvious reason is eating green foods. Green, leafy vegetables contain chlorophyll which could be coloring the stool green. Foods with dark purple coloring like Kool-Aid, popsicles, and gelatin (Jell-O) can also result in rainbow-colored stools. Iron supplements or even foods that are rich in iron can also give stool a green tinge.

Stool can also appear green for physical reasons, and not just from what you've been eating. We think of a healthy stool as being brown. Bile that is secreted in the first part of the small intestine is actually green. As stool is digested and passed through the large intestine it is turned into a darker brown color.

If stool is still green by the time it is excreted, it could mean that it went through the large intestine too fast to be changed in color. This is often called "rapid transit" or "decreased colonic transit time" and diarrhea that is green in color could be the result.

My mum and dad were coming tonight so that was cool. We only sold 50 tickets... er, that's not so cool! Another day on Route 66. They called to say they were here and had got the tickets ok. On with the show.

First half went fine and Leona did a great job doing Katie's bit. At half time I went out to speak to my mam and dad. They were very complimentary about the show, they were loving it. It came as some surprise as my mother is quite critical of things if it's less than what she calls perfect, but not in this case. In fact they both thought the band, the singers and the dancers were all excellent. It was mirrored by other folk there were there outside having a fag while the break was on. It goes to show, there's a decent product there, it just needs to be sold better than it is.

Second half went much like the first. Except while trying to spin the blastick in the 2 and 4 of a beat playing at 200 + bpm, I dropped it. Dan and Nathan found this very funny! I felt like a twat. Even more so when Nath walked past and called me a "stupid plonker" or something equally cutting. Needless to say, I felt just that

After the show, we packed down like it was any other gig. I didn't catch my mum and dad before they went back to Swansea but I knew I would see them later anyway. Everything done, I jumped in the car and went home.